Happy Happy Joy Joy

Mark received a letter yesterday from Catri's mom's attorney stating her intention to seek an increase in child support. We weren't actually surprised. Mark and I were anticipating this move for some time. And it's not really that we don't want to help support Catri - we're just not financially in a place that would allow us to support her with 20% of Mark's gross income, which is the standard. We have increased support in other ways - Mark started a college savings plan for Catri, and he is paying for half of Catri's orthodontia in the next few years (which ain't cheap). But the amount that Catri's mom would be seeking is well above that.
Even though we kind of knew this was coming, Mark and I still felt the blow of it. We're very tight financially right now, and between anticipating a new member to the family in three months and trying to sell this house and find another, it's just "one more thing". We were feeling pretty stressed about it.

Last night, around 4 AM, I woke up and started prinking (which is praying and thinking at the same time) and I had this overwhelming feeling of being happy. Mark was sleeping at my side, and I love him so very much, and little Gwennan was sleeping quietly in my tummy, and I just knew that everything was going to be fine. I felt God reminding me about the miracle he worked in our lives by bringing us together, and how he has provided for us time and again in difficult circumstances. I thought about how clueless Mark and I are as to how to proceed right now in life - with the house and the child support - how helpless we feel to know what to do. And I realized that this is really the best place to be in. The more helpless we are, the more we have no choice but to surrender it all to God and trust in him to guide. We have to let it go and just trust that the Holy Spirit and the new hearts that have been put in us by him will direct us where we need to go.
Mark woke up a little while later and I told him what I had been prinking. We talked about it more and felt so grateful for God's care of us. We rejoiced in the freedom that comes from being helpless. I mean, what else can we do but to turn it all over to our Father and let him care for us? It's so much better than being in bondage to fear and worry and anxiety and attempting to control and fix everything. Who knows what is coming around the corner? Who knows how things will play out? The only one who knows these things is God, and he loves us and is for us, and that is so comforting to remember.
Mark and I prayed for a while, and then we cuddled up together. Mark told me how excited he is to be a parent with me, how excited he is about Gwennan. He told me how much he loves me and how he has learned about the love of Christ by being married to me. And I just felt so happy.

Which really struck me as ironic.

Any of you who know my story know that I spent most of my 20's in and out of treatment for depression. I had spent a month in the hospital when I was 20 because I was suicidal. After that time I had been on and off anti-depressants and in and out of counseling. I was nearly 30 when I finally found some peace, mainly through a big show-down with God, which maybe I'll write about one day.
I told Mark about how careful I am when I drive now. I don't take unnecessary risks, because I don't want to get in an accident and hurt Gwennan or myself. But in my 20's, I used to pray to God that he would send a big truck to hit my car and just take me out of this life.
I was thinking about that last night - about how I used to think that I'd never make it to 30 because I'd kill myself before then. About how I used to think that people who said they were happy were just naive or stupid.
And now here I am with this amazing husband that I adore and have such an intimate relationship with, and we have a little family with Catri, and Gwennan on the way. Money is tight, circumstances aren't ideal, but I can't help but just be happy.
As I was talking to Mark about it, I was struck with this feeling of awe and amazement at how differently I feel now, and I couldn't help but cry and thank God for saving me from myself and bringing me to a place of such joy.
It made me think of the lyrics to a Rich Mullins song (can't remember the title right now):
What I'd have settled for
You've thrown so far away
What you've brought me to
I thought I could not reach
And I came so close to giving in
But you never did give up on me

I'm just so grateful for life now. So grateful for God's faithfulness to me, to bring me out of darkness into light, and even more into life and joy. God is so good.

Rainbows are pretty and it's a Honda Odyssey World

Wow, I haven't posted in 11 days. That's a record for me, especially considering how much I like to post the random occurrences of our life on a regular basis.

Anyway ...

One day last week Mark, Catri, and I were driving home in a rain shower, and Mark noticed that the low position of the sun and the rain should be creating a rainbow behind us. Catri and I looked and sure enough, there was a full rainbow. And not just one, but two! I have to say I was pretty impressed with the way Mark was able to put the circumstances together in his head and - realizing that there are certain scientific laws that work a certain way - concluded there should be a rainbow. Me, it never occurs to me that rainbows are created by laws of nature or whatever. I just see them and think, "Ooh, pretty colors! How did that get there?"
Look, I'm a French major. I can tell you interesting things like the fact that the French movie Mark and I watched last night "Girl from Paris" is not a correct translation of the original French title, "Une Hirondelle a fait le Printemps", which roughly means, "One Sparrow Makes the Spring." But don't ask me about science or math stuff. The earth orbits around the sun? Interesting. The square root of 16 is 4? Wow, you're like a genius or something!
Last week Catri had to write a paper for her science class explaining the rock cycle. I told her I could help and that it goes something like this:
You start with your friends in a garage band, then, if you stick with it and are half-way decent, you get a record contract and get on the radio and start touring. After about 2 or 3 years, things fall apart for various reasons (drugs, greed, disagreements in the band, or maybe the fact that you don't really have any talent after all) and you end up on VH-1's "Where Are They Now?" (Do they still have that show?) In about 20 years, suddenly your music is all big again because of the nostalgia factor, and you start touring again and making gobs of money, despite your arthritis and high blood pressure.
There you go - The Rock Cycle.
Catri told me that's not what she meant and that it had something to do with magma and igneous rocks or something. I just got stuck on the word "magma" and kept saying it over and over like Dr. Evil in the Austin Powers movies. Mag-MAH.

Okay, so the rainbow ...
Mark turned the car around and we pulled into one of those expensive subdivisions being built in Cobb County (where do all these rich people come from?) and I got out and took some pictures. I was able to put them together in a panoramic in Photoshop, and here it is:











Click on it to see it bigger. The second rainbow is fainter and above the brighter one.

Let's see, in other news ...

I went to lunch with my friend Andrea and her 2 year old, Anna, on Friday. Anna entertained us, as 2-year-olds are wont to do, by putting on Mommy's sunglasses and posing for my camera.


















When we left the restaurant, I noticed that Andrea's car, a Honda Odyssey, was parked next to two other Honda Odysseys.














There were an abundance of them in the parking lot (Friday, lunchtime, East Cobb, outside a trendy breakfast/brunch place = stay-at-home mom central) and I have to confess, I WANT ONE. I'm 35, married, pregnant, about to be a stay-at-home mom, and I confess that I want a minivan. And not just any minivan - I want an Odyssey. Don't mock me, all you young singles or newly-marrieds-sans-kids out there - it will happen to you one day too. Plus, have you really seen one of these things? They're sweet. The automatic doors, the extra seats that fold neatly into the back. I often call Mark's Honda Element the Swiss Army Knife of vehicles, and it is, for the outdoorsy type. But the Odyssey - it's the Swiss Army Knife for the mommy type. You want more proof? My friend Erica, who, until recently had a Mercedes station wagon, and whose husband has a Cadillac Escalade and a Mercedes convertible, and who could have any vehicle she wants, sold the station wagon and got an Odyssey. Yes, the Honda minivan won out over the Mercedes station wagon. Now that's saying something.

Okay, finally, on the house front - we got our first offer on the house this week. We were really excited about it until we saw it. They were offering $39,000 less than our asking price. THIRTY-NINE THOUSAND LESS. I still have the red mark on my face from the slap. PLUS, they wanted US to pay closing costs, which means it really would have actually been about $45,000 less than asking price. FORTY-FIVE THOUSAND LESS. I'm sorry, but you just don't do that.
We countered with our bottom-line price, and they came back by saying they would give us a measly $5,000 more than their previous offer. We told our agent to tell them, "No thank you, thanks for playing, and here's the number for a good rehab center to kick that crack addiction you have." SHEESH!

Okay, that's all for now. We have Signorinis and Hunters coming for dinner, and I have to start helping Mark in the kitchen.

Stolen from another blog ...

I found this on another blog and loved it ...

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs ... I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stock and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" said the Mexican.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

Know where you're going in life... you may already be there

Les photos du jour

My pregnant tummy. Gwennan's in there, planning her escape.















Cats in boxes. (How easily pleased they are.)















African violets. They're sparkly. I like sparkly.















Gratuitous cute cat photo. Olly loves Frankie.















I painted this at our last Life Group painting session. It's kind of plain and bleak, but I like it. I gave it to Kathy because she has a lot of red in her house and it would "go" well. I don't do red. At least, not in decor.

Mark

My sweet, wonderful, amazing husband has started a blog of his own. If you want to read it, go to the link at right called "Mark's Adventure". It's much more spiritual than my blog, but I think Mark is just generally more spiritual than me. He listens to The Message on MP3 all the time, and is always hearing from God through it. He shares what he hears with me and I always think he should share it with others, which is what he's doing now in his blog. It's pretty cool.

All Hopped Up and No Place to Go

Well, it's 2:30 AM and I'm awake and hopped up on Sudafed, so I thought I'd do some blogging. Plus, Gwennan appears to be wide awake as well and re-decorating her womb, or doing yoga, or maybe just testing the walls to find a secret passageway out. Whatever she's up to, she's bugging the crap out of Mama. I decided that instead of tossing and turning and keeping Mark awake, I'd just get up and have an apple and peanut butter and catch up on my posting. So, moving right along ...

I didn't get a chance to post some stuff from last week. Our good friend Roger was in town for the holidays, and he came to our house for dinner with the Spoelstras on Wednesday night. It was great fun. Roger brought a roast, Mark baked some beer bread, and I baked some potatoes and made a salad. The salad would have had onions in it, only I managed to slice off a piece of my pinky finger while slicing the onion and decided not to risk someone getting a little "extra" in their salad. We had to re-bandage my finger twice and the thing just kept bleeding until the next morning. Evidently, I just need to stay away from things that cut. I wonder, have I learned my lesson yet?
Anyway, aside from the gushing wound, we had an amazing meal. Better than most restaurants. If there's anything Mark and I share a love for, it's good friends and good food.












Mark, the baker-man














The feast

On Thursday night we celebrated Dawn's 26th birthday with friends at Surin in Virginia-Highlands. Yep, Dawn's only 26 years old. The baby among us really. The cute, skinny baby. Sigh. I remember when I was a cute, skinny baby.

New Year's Eve was celebrated way up in the great metropolitan town of Jasper with Kathy and Mike. Kathy was telling me what it's like to live and work in a small town. She's a labor and delivery nurse at Piedmont Mountainside Hospital up there, and during a recent shift someone asked, "Where's the pediatricians' office?" and one of the nurses answered, "It's by the Burger King."
That's it. THE pediatricians' office. THE Burger King.

Kathy and I went to Ingle's together to get some soda for Catri and her friend Christa. While we were there we decided to pick up some "sparkling apple cider" as well, for the non-alcohol drinkers at the party to ring in the new year with. So here I was, a pregnant lady carrying a 2-liter Coke and a bottle of sparkling apple cider (which looks like a bottle of champagne), and a few young male customers commented loudly, "Look, they're gunna get drunk too, just like us!" Yep, the SO-FIS-TI-KAY-SHUN runs high in Jasper.
A few photos from our evening:

















Our hosts. Mike got all dressed up, complete with socks and Birkenstocks. See what I mean about so-fis-ti-kay-shun?


















No, it's not a two-headed teenager, it's Catri and Christa


















What do two teenage girls do at a boring adult party? Why write on each other with Sharpies, of course!

In other news ...
If you were wondering, yes, our house is still on the market. I haven't written about it in a while, but yes, we're still trying to sell the lovely 3 bed, 2 bath ranch home at ___ ______ - close to the highway, beautiful views, bring all offers!
We had a break from people coming to see the place between Christmas and New Year's, but expect it to pick up again this week. If we don't get a viable offer by the end of this month, we plan to let the listing expire and try again when Gwennan is a few months old. We're really praying, though, that God will bring a buyer soon. Your prayers on this would be greatly appreciated as well.

Okay, well I guess that's all for now. I'm still hungry, so I'm off to find a snack for Gwennan. Maybe it will calm her down and we can both get back to sleep.

Blaaaahhh...

Head cold. Stuffed head, headache, post-nasal drip.
We hates it.

New Year's Day

We really enjoyed church this morning. At first we didn't think anyone was going to show up. We started worship around 11:15 and there were only about a dozen of us. By the time the service was over, there were 30 of us, plus a handful of kids.
Evidently someone had forgotten to assign a worship leader, but we improvised well by having Charles' mom (visiting from NJ) play piano and we all gathered around and sang old hymns. It was nice.















Charles preached this morning and what he had to say really touched Mark's and my hearts. I guess you could say that his message was mainly about eternity, but it was also about comfort. At least, Mark and I took it that way.

He spoke about the pressure and guilt so many people feel to have what I guess you'd call a "productive" life. You hear people say things like, "Live your life as if you're going to die tomorrow," supposedly trying to inspire you to live a more "full" life today. But all it does is make you feel burdened and guilty and nonproductive. Mark has been struggling with that lately, feeling like he isn't living the life he's supposed to. (Thanks a lot, John Eldredge. You and your "adventure" talk can go take a flying leap.)

Charles then quoted the scripture from Ephesians, "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." The word "workmanship" in the Greek is "poemia" which is where we get the word "poem" - we are God's poem or work of art. Then he quoted from a letter from the poet Rainer Maria Rilke to a young aspiring poet about criticism:

"Read as little as possible of literary criticism - such things are either partisan opinions, which have become petrified and meaningless, hardened and empty of life, or else they are just clever word-games, in which one view wins today, and tomorrow the opposite view. Works of art are of an infinite solitude, and no means of approach is so useless as criticism. Only love can touch and hold them and be fair to them."

I hope you get the connection. We, as God's poems, are of an "infinite solitude", unapproachable by criticism - our own or others'. Only love can touch, hold, and be fair to us. What a great message of comfort.

Charles then went on to read from JRR Tolkien's story "Tree and Leaf", which basically gave another message of comfort - that what we attempt to do perfectly here on earth - the things we strive so hard towards and feel so incompetent at - will be perfected in eternity.

That part of the message reminds me of something I read in John Eldredge's "Journey of Desire" (or maybe it was "Waking the Dead") - that despite the common saying that "this is no dress rehearsal", life actually IS a dress rehearsal. What we are to be, what life is to be, won't become reality except in eternity. Life now is just a dress rehearsal. The real life is to come. (Okay, so sometimes John Eldredge isn't all that bad.)

C.S. Lewis hints at this also in "The Great Divorce", when all the visitors to heaven are see-through, kind of ghosts, and the "solid" or "real" people are the actual inhabitants of heaven.

Anyway, I probably didn't do Charles' message any justice, but I'm strapped for time as I write this. Hopefully some of what I've written makes sense to you and says something to your heart.