James Blunt, musician extraordinaire

I wish I lived in England.

Better

For those of you who got a little concerned/scared after reading my last post, I’m doing better now. What a strange journey it’s been so far. I’m learning a lot about letting go and I’m going through a new round of brokenness in my life. If I ever get some time that I can write about it, I will.

Thanks for your prayers and your love.

I’ll post more pics soon.

Happy Birthday

Gwennan is three weeks old today. It's been the roughest three weeks of my life. I have to admit that I really had no idea what I was getting myself into - no idea what having a newborn would entail. I've had such severe crying spells (some lasting all day) that I thought for sure I would have to go on anti-depressants. I've struggled (and am still struggling, though not as much) with breastfeeding. And of course, I'm horribly sleep-deprived. I feel isolated and disconnected from the world, and even worse, from my own husband. I miss Mark so much, even when he's right here with me.

I've had such anxiety about the baby - is she getting enough to eat? is she sleeping enough? is she overstimulated? - that I've swung over into total controlling flesh mode. I hover over everyone who does anything to/with her, to make sure they're not doing something "wrong". Then I suffer from so much guilt feeling like I'm doing everything wrong.

But, despite all this, I look at Gwennan's amazing little face and I just love her. She's so beautiful, and such a mellow baby. She doesn't really cry or fuss that much - usually only when she actually wants something (usually to eat). She has these extended alert periods that are so cool. She will sit quietly in your arms or in her bouncy seat and just observe her world, with wide-open eyes and a mouth usually in a little O shape. It's her "Little Bird" face.

I'm beginning to realize that she and I are both going to be okay. Things will be crazy for a while, but that's alright. We'll survive. I'll get to sleep through the night again one day. I'll get to spend time with my husband again doing something non-baby-related. In the mean time, I'm just going to love her.


Gwennan right after birth:
8 lbs, 11 oz.
21 inches
A head full of dark hair










Just after her first bath














About a week later - Gwennan sucking Catri's thumb. She's still a little yellow from the jaundice in this picture.

Quote for the Day

I still haven't read The Da Vinci Code, but I plan to one day, just to see what all the hubbub is about. Today I read this article from the Associated Press about all the controversy surrounding the book/movie. I thought the observation from Witherington ("We are a Jesus-haunted culture that's biblically illiterate" and harbors general "disaffection from traditional answers") was really insightful and dead-on, given the number of conversations I've had with people who have definite, strong opinions about Jesus that are based on nothing but their own imaginations.