Turn around and run the other way!!!

Mark and I are attending childbirth classes this month. There are four classes, about 2 hours each, held once a week. We attended the first class last week. It was pretty much a review of what we already knew from our pregnancy books - mainly about how the baby develops and reaches full term.

This week they began talking about what they call "labor". The midwife leading the class had a little doll with an umbilical cord attached to a fake placenta all inside a little bag representing the amniotic sac, or "bag of waters". She also had another little toy that looked like a pelvis. She put the baby in the pelvis and pulled it through, representing another thing they call "birth". She also passed around a plastic representation of what she called "dilation of the cervix", showing how the cervix supposedly dilates from 1 centimeter to 10 centimeters. It was all pretty interesting, but I knew she was lying to us. All this talk about the baby descending and turning and the cervix dilating and blah blah blah. WHATEVER! I know my body won't do that. It's physically impossible. They're lying.

Later on during the class, we watched a video of three different women "giving birth". At first it kind of freaked me out and made me think all this stuff might be true, but then I realized, "It's just a movie." Amazing what they can do with special effects nowadays.

Mark and I have noticed from time to time what looks like a heron or crane around our neighborhood. He's a beautiful bird, and sometimes he'll hang out on the roof of one of our neighbor's houses, just looking around. I realize now that this must be the stork, coming to make sure he knows the way to our house so he can bring us the baby.

See, because what really happens is that you go to sleep, and then when you wake up, there's your baby! The stork brought her! Although the midwife last night referred to this as an "emergency C-section", I knew what the truth was.